Jamie and Claire are searching for young Ian with the help of cousin Jared who has arranged for Jamie to serve as Super Cargo on a ship heading to Jamaica which is French for ‘seasick Scotsman whose cousin owns the boat.’  Compared to white-haired Ian Murray,  Father Time has been kind to Jared probably due to his visits to Ye Olde Elizabeth Arden Dockside which is popular in FranceMr. Willoughby, Fergus and the new Angus & Rupert whose names are Hayes and Lesley or ‘Hayley’ are also along for the voyage.  Good cuz they seem like fun.

Aboard ship, Jamie tells Claire to touch the horse shoe nailed on the wall for good luck and speaking of luck apparently redheads and women are bad luck on boats. Fergus shows up with Marsali and they announce they are handfast (this was a way to get a quickie marriage before the Elvis Chapel in Vegas was invented.)  Jamie has a wee hissy fit and says the boys are rooming together as are the girls, so NO hanky panky!
Jamie is stuck in auto-barf mode and Claire is called away to take care of a head wound. There’s more BS among the sailors about the cause of the accident being lack of horse shoe touching or LOHST. #Geez  Claire and the Captain bond over their love of quoting Shakespeare and later dine together while Jamie continues to puke in a bucket. Mr. Willougby tells Jamie if he keeps vomiting, his balls will become twisted and need to be chopped off.  Marsali and Claire go at it Mean Girl Style deciding who gets which bed like a 5th grade sleepover.WilloughbyBalls_meme
Mr. Willoughby, whose Ted Talk I’d like to see, is drawing his life’s story with water on the deck. He says ‘a story told is a life lived but he’s not ready to tell his story.’  Down below, the deckhands are singing, playing instruments and generally acting sailory.  Claire discovers Mr. Willoughby is giving Jamie accupuncture and they’ve been hiding it and I don’t get why.  Jamie looks adorable and sexy with needles sticking out of his face because of course he does.  Suddenly they realize the ship has stopped moving.  Cue the additional TV show plot and this episode’s name, ‘The Doldrums.’JamieNeedles_meme
Because the wind has stopped, these sailors think it has something to do with LOHST or some such and they’re looking for someone to blame.  Everyone except white males are suspect and that plot point hits a little close to home these days. That night, Jamie and Claire get some grown up time and snuggle looking up at the moon.  This must be her reward for putting up with seething Frank Randall for 20 years. Lucky girl.
Gilligan, the Skipper, Thurston Howell the Third and the rest of the un-named sailors have been stuck in the middle of the ocean for weeks, the water supply is running low and now the lantern-jawed sailor wants to find someone to blame and throw overboard.  The Captain says if they’re able to do that, it might pick up their spirits. I can’t help but think an iPad or some video games might help but I dinna think they’re invented yet. They finally decide to kill Hayes so he drunkenly climbs up the ropes to the top of the sail to kill himself instead, so our hero Jamie climbs up to save him JAMMF style cuz that’s what he always does. After they climb down, there’s a large kerfuffle which Mr. Willoughby brilliantly defuses by judging weather with a seagull that is not called Ping An. (Hey Bookreaders Hey, that was for you!)  The winds pick up, the rain comes, they refill their barrels and they’re all happy.
Jamie and Claire get a few moments alone for some quick hanky panky on top of a pile of sails.  He says he likes her grey hair thereby worming his way into the hearts of women around the world over the age of 32-ish.GreyHair_meme
A British ship signals them to pull over, and the Captain who looks like a college freshman comes aboard to say they’ve got an illness that’s killing his men. Claire goes to their ship to help out.  It’s filled with young men puking, moaning and experiencing loud, explosive diarrhea, much like a frat party only without any of the fun. She’s in the middle of explaining what they should do to stop the illness, when the ship sets sail with her aboard and separating her from Jamie.
These two can’t seem to catch a break and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us! See you next week #Outlander friends!

#Outlander re-cap, Ep 309 #TheDoldrums, or ‘More Than A Three Hour Tour with A Ginger and His Wife.’

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