Outlander Starz today announced the casting of Australian actor David Berry as Lord John Grey causing formerly dead ovaries to re-launch and breasts to move to the auto lactate zone in a phenomenon reported by the AMA and other Medical Associations around the world. NASA is also looking into possible connections with tidal flow interference along with planet rotational hijinks although that’s just a ‘working theory’ according to their spokesperson.
Sam Heughan who’s hard at work shooting Season 3 of Outlander was reached on set and bellowed, ‘Jesus H Roosevelt Christ’, this new guy’s right hunky and God willing can finally take the heat off me. ‘Somebody find Davie Hollywood and tell him to skedaddle out for a $hit TON of donuts, give some to the cast and crew and save SEVEN boxes for me! Also, cancel my morning work-out cuz the big guy’s sleeping in!’
Costume Designer, Terry Dresbach announced a contingency plan which involves placing expandable fabric inserts into Heughan’s costumes to allow for ‘celebratory girth’ and Production Designer, Jon Gary Steele (who never seems to use his first name but continues to hang onto it for some reason) immediately ordered carpenters to widen doors on the sets and said, ‘we plan for these types of things, so no need for panic!’ although his voice rose sharply at the end of the sentence so it’s anyone’s guess what that’ll do to budgets.
Here’s a paparazzi snap from behind the scenes of Heughan taken this week. It looks like someone pulled a ripcord on an inflatable raft!!!
But now back to a few actual truths vs. the drivel I’ve been pawning off in the previous 4 paragraphs. David Berry, a hunkalicious Australian, IS the actor now known as Lord John Grey and according to his IMDB page, he was a singer and violinist in his early years (Holy crap, me too. For realzies!!) . He later studied at the NIDA (National Institute of Dramatic Arts) and graduated in 2010 where it looks like he immediately booked lots of gigs due to his acting skill, experience and the aforementioned hunkiness. You can check out his page here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4885081/
Them’s slim pickins kids, but that’s all we know right now except that with a tiny bit of on-line digging, I’m sure we can find lonely lasses whining that he’s not blond enough, doesn’t have an ‘aquiline nose’ or other such yammerings. But as for myself and the other 99% sane Outlander viewers, there’s nothing but happiness, rainbows and smooth sailing ahead with today’s announcement.
Note: The first four paragraphs are humor or ‘parody’ as it’s sometimes known. No harm is meant or implied. Void where prohibited. If you have an erection that lasts more than three hours, please contact your doctor or the Guinness Book of World Records. Namaste.