#Outlander, Epi 213 Re-cap: Claire and Bree are Houseguests from Hell, we meet Yummy Roger Wakefield and Jamie Can’t Catch A Break.

The day we’re all dreading has arrived.  No not election day in America, but rather the Outlander Season 2 finale where Jamie and Claire are finally parted and I’m not one bit happy about it.  Luckily, and I’ll say this now to get it out of the way, I LOVED this episode. In no particular order, I loved Brianna’s hair, eye color and height, Roger’s beard, tweed jacket and bookish hunkiness, Jamie’s tragic warrior, stoic husband-father persona, Claire’s 1960’s JackieO glam, eye shadow and grey streaks in her hair.  In a related story, as a child I knew a lady with grey streaks in her hair EXACTLY LIKE THAT and I called that poor woman ‘the skunk lady’ behind her back.  I certainly hope  I was sent to my room without any porridge for my thoughtless comment!

1968. Poor Roger would rather be anywhere but with the guests at the Reverend’s wake, so he’s hiding out in the library watching Emma Peel with the pre-teens.  His lovelorn housekeeper, Fiona, fetches him back to his guests and Roger emerges and gives a toast.  Roger is deeply in mourning but not so deep that he doesn’t notice a gorgeous red-heided stranger lurking around the edges of his home.  Claire and Brianna introduce themselves and after a brief moment, Claire excuses herself to go snoop around his home leaving Roger and Brianna to make awkward conversation. Later, Claire and Brianna say goodby to Roger and upon finding that they’re heading back to London, he invites them to spend the night at his home.
1746 It’s the morning of Culloden and Jamie makes one last attempt to tell Charles that his plan will not work, but Bonnie Prince Plaid Pants is such an inbred moron, he won’t listen.  Murtagh tells Jamie the British are four miles away and on the march, Claire says she has one last plan and they go inside the building to talk.
1968 Roger takes Brianna on a historical tour of Scotland starting with Ft. William. He then attributes a Nathan Hale quote to Ethan Allen almost causing me to spit up my whisky but I forgive him cuz Roger’s a cutie-pie. Brianna looks up at the scaffold and says it gives her the chills. You have no idea Brianna, but you will.  Claire takes her snazzy rental car and visits Lallybroch which is in ruins. It’s very sad to see it looking like that and I notice a For Sale sign and wonder how much her house in Boston is worth cuz it’s gonna take a million or so 1960’s dollars to fix up the joint.
1746  Claire takes Jamie inside and tells him about the yellow jasmine Colum took to kill himself and suggests they kill Charles the same way.  Unfortunately, Dougal is listening at the door and completely loses his shite and tells Jamie he’s betrayed his family, his Clan and Scotland and Claire is a lying slut-witch and reaches for a sword and says he’ll kill Jamie quickly for his mother’s sake.  Jamie points out that Dougal is tired, cold and hungry and I think dude might need a Snickers bar, but sadly that’s not an option. I dunno about you but it seems odd that the MacKenzie War Chief resorts to dirty fighting that includes biting Jamie.  Jamie has no choice but to kill him to save his own life.

1960s  Claire heads to the Town Hall and finds the Deed of Sasine with her signature on it.  The monochromatically dressed, efficient clerk, whose outfit I’m going to steal when it finally cools the F down in Texas this fall, gives her a copy of the deed without charging her or checking her ID, and it makes me long for the days before HIPPA, Homeland Security and all the other crap we have to deal with nowadays where you have to provide the blood of a virgin before you’re allowed access to official papers. The clerk also does a quick genealogical search on Roger.

Roger and Bree head over to the University, and he goes to meet with some random dude leaving Bree to mosey around looking like a Ralph Lauren model. She stumbles upon pre-barbecue Gellis Duncan giving an impassioned speech in support of Prince Charles and Roger returns from his meeting  just in time to meet his seven times great granny.

Back at the manse, Roger and Bree look through the storage room for intel on her parents and are startled by a rat so Roger has no choice but to sing a ‘cheesy’ rat satire thus winning Bree’s heart.  They discover a box labeled Randall and take it downstairs to peruse in a rodent-free environment.  Meme_RogerSings
Claire visits the Clan Fraser Headstone at Culloden Field and she says her final, incredibly sad goodbye to Jamie and my heart can’t take much more of this.
Brianna finds the dusty old newspaper article about Claire ‘coming back from the fairies’ and confronts her mother.  She seems to have brought the same ‘Jump to Conclusion Mat’ that her father Jamie carries with him from time to time, and begins shouting at her and accusing Claire of all sorts of inaccuracies. Claire, Brianna and a very awkward Roger sit down and Claire finally spills the very sad time-traveling beans. Brianna’s reaction is what you might expect, she thinks her mother’s nuts and it’s a good thing she’s gorgeous or Roger might have shoved them out the front door at this point.

1746 We’re back at Culloden and Jamie pulls the Deed of Sasine out of his sporran (which is sort of like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag minus the floor lamp) and tells wee Fergus he must take it to Jenny at LallybrochJamie and Claire tell Fergus they love him like a son and Murtagh bows to Fergus and I wonder why the writers of this episode are determined to make me sob until I run out of tears.

1968 Claire sees the flyer with Geillis Duncan’s photo and heads over to her house but she’s not home.  Her sad, drunk husband Greg is though and he invites Claire in for a drink.  Greg says he hasn’t seen her in weeks but he still loves her. I can see why Geillis would want to poison the flatulent Arthur Duncan, but Greg’s a dreamboat so she should’ve kept him.  Greg falls asleep before Claire leaves, so she nabs Geillis’s notebooks with all her hocus pocus theories to peruse later. Meme_VaginaStone
At the bar, ‘Broger’ runs into Geillis who says she’s leaving town and she seems awfully chipper for someone who’s about to murder her husband and burn him in a ritualistic sacrifice.

1746  Jamie tells Murtagh to gather the Lallybroch men and get them the F out of there.  Jamie’s going to take Claire to ‘safety’ and he’ll be back.  Murtagh says he’ll start the men home but he won’t go to Lallybroch with them, he’ll come back to die with Jamie at Culloden.  He says it so cheerfully, it’s like he’s going to meet him for pizza instead of death, but that might just be my interpretation.

1968 Bree returns to their room at the manse and says they can agree to disagree about the time travel, but she wants to talk about Jamie. #GetInLine  Claire comes downstairs to get Geillis’s flyer and Roger tells her they’ve not only met Geillis, but she’s leaving town that night. Claire wants to go stop her from leaving so she’s not burned at the stake but she tells Roger she can’t do that because if Geillis doesn’t go back, he won’t be born.  Bree starts having another conniption, but Roger convinces her to go to the stones so they can at least warn her.
1746 Jamie rushes Claire away from the action, forces her on a horse and back to Craigh na dun by telling her he knows she’s pregnant although I doubt he has a little calendar in his sporran although with Jamie you never know.

Jamie and Claire arrive at the stones and Jamie says to tell Frank he’s grateful, he trusts him and he hates him.  And although they are bereft at the idea of losing one another, Jamie has a weird smile on his face which I don’t get unless he’s one of those people, like me, who smiles at really sad times, like funerals, because their emotional wires get crossed.  They have only a brief moment left for a very hurried somethin-somethin on the ground, Jamie gives her his father’s ring and half walks/half dances her to the stones and due to sisterhood/girl power I can practically hear the sobbing of my fellow Outlander fans except those in Canada, Australia and New Zealand who have to wait another day.
1968  Claire, Brianna and Roger arrive at Craigh na dun in time to catch Geillis setting her husband on fire and running through the stones.
Brianna and Roger hear the stones buzzing #Foreshadow and Brianna finally believes her mother.  Roger leaves to call the Police and when he returns he shows Claire proof that Jamie didn’t die at Culloden.  She’s in shock, but as the shock wears off, she says “I have to go back” and appears to run towards the stones.  Fade To Black, Roll Credits, Cue the Chambers Brothers with ‘Time Has Come Today.The End.

O. M. G. ladies and gentleman, you know the drill. We are back to Droughtlander.  It’s tragic, I know, but together we will survive this because we have each other!! PS I’ll write some witty shizzle during the Drought, and we can virtually hold hands and hum Bear McCreary’s tunes in solidarity. That and whisky.  Whisky shall get us through.


  • dot65jean
    Posted 0Likes

    I have said it before and I’ll say it again and again: You are simply THE BEST! Better than all the rest! I do love your wit and your commentaries!
    The old lady in Ohio?

  • Rebecca
    Posted 0Likes

    Ok so here’s what confuses me. If Gellis does give birth, hence Roger and Claire knows this. Why does Clair think she will burn at the stake??

    • Melissa B
      Posted 0Likes

      Because Colum said they kept her alive long enough to have the baby, then burrrrrned her.

    • Betsy Shepherd
      Posted 0Likes

      Because she got away and we “don’t know” that until Voyager after Jamie and Claire arrive in the islands. I am rereading all for third time and still discovering new things I missed in each book. Easier to enjoy, i.e. Breathe, since already know what happens. Phew!

      • Kelly Conwell
        Posted 0Likes

        Spoiler Alert! I’ve read the series but some have not. Another foreshadow was in Geillis’ notes The Bahama’s I wonder if she will be fat.

    • Tjarda
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      Because she got burnt at the stake after delivering the baby

  • Joyce Johnston
    Posted 0Likes

    Always entertaining Thanks so verra much for this

  • Alma Ortiz
    Posted 0Likes

    You made me lol, love your re-caps, holding a dram of whiskey up,,CHEERS!!!

  • Maricarmen
    Posted 0Likes

    Mark me!!!….Love your recap, you are great and soooo funny ??… Now sisters we have to keep us together, ??

  • 26LettersAK
    Posted 0Likes

    Thanks so much Melissa – needed your humor after that episode for sure! Love your commentary and appreciate that you will be continuing with something during the next Droughtlander!

  • Connie
    Posted 0Likes

    Jamie’s Mary Poppins sporran! LOL

    If a man sang a song to a rat on our first or second date, I think I would propose on the spot. But, that’s just me.

    I cannot take my eyes off Richard Rankin when I’m obsessively re-watching this episode. It’s gonna be a long #Droughtlander!

    Broger, over and out! I adore you, Melissa! MWAH!!!!!

  • Kimber
    Posted 0Likes

    Oh, how I have enjoyed reading your posts, Melissa, which I just found after the first couple of episodes of Season 2! Of course, I had to go back to read all of them then. You make me gut-laugh, out loud. Not an easy thing to do. You know, I’m a very young 60+ year old woman, and I am fairly obsessed with his show. You must’ve heard my very loud audible, “Thank God!”, when they announce the pick-ups of Seasons 3 and 4, from here on the frozen tundra (MN). Yes? Hey, I’m far from dead. Episode 13? I. LOVED. IT! Haven’t read the books, don’t plan to. I will though look forward to your occasional “observations” during Droughtlander, and onward to 2017!! KIMBER

    • ASA
      Posted 0Likes

      How can you not plan to read the books?!? If you love the show you will love the book 3 times as much,,,,there is SO much more of Jamie and Claire and Bree and Roger and everyone else in the books

  • Jodi
    Posted 0Likes

    Why does Roger have personal papers about Claire and Jamie…I forget the connection between Frank and the dad.

    • Melissa B
      Posted 0Likes

      Rev. Wakefield is one of Frank’s BFFs and also an historian AND Frank asked him to do the research.

  • margie9546
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    So glad to hear you will be writing and helping us all get through Droughtlander!

  • Danielle
    Posted 0Likes

    So eventually Claire and Jamy did not poison the prince?

  • myrnaberry
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    This is the first review of yours I have read and it was hilarious. I cannot wait to read all the rest. An absolutely perfect blend of homage and snark which is a verra tricky combination. I currently reside in the decrepit league of the Outlander Granny Division, but, in my defense, I was a lot sprier when I first encountered Diana’s universe more than two decades ago. What a treat it has been to revisit all that passion, intrigue, adventure and hotness in my dotage. My soul mate of 45 years seems mildly amused by newest addiction as am I, but there is no denying I am hooked. Looking forward to following you in the drought..

  • Jackie Moellers
    Posted 0Likes

    Your humor helped me get through this episode, still very emotional though!

  • Lynn S.
    Posted 0Likes

    I really enjoy your posts, they make me laugh, looking forward to reading more during this droughtlander. You’re going to Scotland, I didn’t forget, looking forward to that too. 🙂

  • Theresa Brandt
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    Thanks so much for your lighthearted review which is so much more entertaining than some of the fandom commentary I’ve read about how the season ‘just didn’t work’ or how it was ‘disrespectful’ to the books. I don’t begrudge anyone their opinions but I find all the angsty hand wringing over the books vs. the TV show wearying. I like both the books and the TV show, but found neither of them perfect. For me it’s simply enough to enjoy both of them without fearing for the fate of the world.

  • Cheryl
    Posted 0Likes

    That recap was absolutely hilarious! Maybe you should contact SNL and write some scripts that are actually funny.

  • Katherine Callianiotis
    Posted 0Likes

    Thank you for this hilarious send up of the last episode. I find it so strange that we can laugh our heads off reading the sends up but then remember how overcome with emotion and buckets of tears we shed when actually reading the book and marvelling at the beauty of Diana’s written words and the tragedy and strength of these Highlanders and actually feeling as if we too are there. I look forward to anything you care to write for us during what I hope is not an extended Droughtlander.

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