My son’s work hours are weird cuz he works in TV news. So he randomly had a rainy day off in the middle of the week and I was home so he says, ‘Let’s watch another episode of Outlander. But I’m not gonna be funny, I just want to watch this time.’ Me: ‘Okay that sounds good.’ **Runs and gets a notebook. Hides it by my side.**
The theme music starts and the melodious tones of Raya Yarbrough echo through the living room….’Billow and breeze, island and sees.’
Jake chimes in ‘Bilbo and brie, I like good cheese…’
Jake: ‘Wow, that’s an expensive transition! Lens flare!’
Jake: (Reads all the credits with a weird Scottish accent, until I started laughing.) ‘What? Am I good at it?’
Jake: ‘Oh, look.’ They’re having sex again.
Jake in high cockney accent: ‘Blimey! Don’t touch the rock!’
McQuarrie holds a gun to Jamie’s head.
Jake: He’s gotta use his Scottish kung-fu moves. He could totally get outta that. I learned that move in 4th grade karate.
McQuarrie puts the gun down and talks to Ian and Jenny.
Jake: ‘Really? All that tensions and it’s all LOL, JK. If this was Game of Thrones, they’d put the gun straight up his ass and set it on fire.’
Me: ‘I’m so glad it’s not Game of Thrones.’
Jake: I thought his last name was Frasier, not McTavish. Sings Frasier theme song: ‘Tossed salad and scrambled eggs.’
Sees McQuarrie’s clan pin.
Jake: ‘Is that like a merit badge?’ ‘I bet it’s for woodcarving. They made their own furniture back then.’ Laughs.
Jake: (Looks at me) ‘I bet you like this show cuz of the sets and costumes. You like that stuff.’
Robbie McNabb enters scene.
Jake: “Should I assume that kid will get his ear hammered on that thing?’
The ‘Watch’ are knocking things over and set a hay wagon on fire.
Jake: ‘Are those guys gonna cause ‘havoc?’ Good word, right?’ Laughs.
A dog barks:
Jake: ‘The original Lassie is totally dead by the way.’
Jake: ‘Is that guy Seamus or is he a pirate?’
Wee Jamie splashes Claire.
Jake: ‘Oh crap, is that kid gonna get his ear nailed?’ ‘I’m glad that wasn’t my punishment when I was little.’
Jenny grabs her stomach and moans.
Jake: ‘Is that lady gonna have her baby? Oh, her water broke! Called it!’
Jenny’s labor continues….
Jake: ‘Why hasn’t she had the baby yet? Can she just resquirt water up there? How does that whole thing work?’
Jake (about Jenny) ‘That actress is hot. I’ll give her a real baby.’
Me: ‘She’s pregnant in real life.’
Jake: ‘Does she have a sister?’
Jamie and Ian are talking.
Jake: ‘That guy’s leg looks like a bicycle pump. Is he a pirate?’
Ian to Jamie: ‘What will you do about Horrocks?’
Jake shouts: ‘Kill em dog!’ ‘Roll up on em gangsta style!’
Claire in the bedroom talking to Jamie: ‘It’s me that’s let you down. I can’t have children.’
Jake: ‘It coulda been that other husband. He’s already a huge pussy. This would just be one more nail in the coffin.’
Jamie’s waiting outside for Horrocks.
Jake in a deep voice: “Hey man, you got da stuff?’ Dude! Blast him with your street justice? No wait….is it gonna be Claire? Why would he sneak out to meet Claire?’ No! It’s the pirate!’
And then he stopped talking and kept watching. When we watch Outlander together, I never know how much he’s going to say and how long it’ll last, but I always know he’s good for a few laughs. Until next time folks!