My thoughts before the re-cap: I love my husband. If I thought he was dead for 20 years and found out he was alive and was still madly in love with me, there’s nothing that could keep us apart. If on the second day together, I put his livelihood, life and freedom on the line for someone who was trying to kill me and destroy him, I’d invite everyone I know to kick my ass and send me back through the stones posthaste.
As a 20-year book reader, I have learned about adaptations and how and why they have to be the way they are. Up until now, there has never been an episode where I was so verklempt about the adaptation, I thought I’d lose my damn mind. I realize the book is the book and the show is the show, however, other than the physical resemblance to Jamie and Claire, I did not recognize the leads in this episode. For once, I’m jealous of non-book readers because they’re lucky enough not to know what they’re missing. I’m praying this is an anomaly and next week we’re back on track. End of rant. Now, on with the recap.
Claire returns to Jamie’s room to discover Sir Percival’s exciseman is looking through his papers. He threatens to rape and kill her. She grabs a knife, fights him, he trips, hits his head and he’s out. Jamie returns to the room in time for the assailant to moan and show he’s still alive. The woman who I shall now refer to as ‘TV Claire’ does a 180 and decides that saving the life of the man who tried to rape and kill her is now her priority, even if it means Jamie the man she spent 20 years yearning for could lose his livelihood, go to prison for his crimes and/or be put to death. The same could happen to TV Claire, Madame Jeanne, young Ian and Fergus.
TV Claire hightails it to Ye Olde Walgreen’s to buy laudanum and other shizzle for the unnecessary surgery and meets the
Rev. Archibald Campbell aka the Fiend, I mean a kindly carny-type guy named Mr. Campbell who has a sister who’s a psycho psychic. TV Claire offers to make a house call if she can cut in line.
TV Claire begins the unnecessary surgery on her wannabe rapist putting all their lives at risk and generally behaving like an obnoxious B when Sir Percival Fancypants arrives and demands to search the premises. He is unsuccessful in his search because the boys have gotten rid of the booze along with some unwanted Creme de Menthe.
Jamie heads back from ‘The Lobby of Flailing Bosoms’ to tell her ‘this ends now.’ TV Claire responds nastily with, ‘he’s dead, you’ve got your wish.’ Eventually TV Claire apologizes for her bull$hit.
TV Claire ‘house calls’ on Margaret Campbell who raves maniacally about frogs and such.
Rev. Mr. Campbell says he’ll be traveling soon to the West Indies because he has a wealthy client waiting. #Foreshadow
Ian and Fergus hit the local bar where they decide it’s time for young Ian to have some Scottish sexy time with a cutie-pie barmaid. With a little instruction from Fergus, Ian leaves with the barmaid who doesn’t even have to clock out. They go to the Printshop where, just like his uncle, he tries to do it horsey-style. Doesn’t he have like 5 brothers and sisters? Don’t they ever talk about this stuff?
TV Claire returns home and their body language and snarking seems more like a couple who’ve been seething rather than burning for 20 years. She suggests they move out of the brothel and Jamie’s like one of those guys on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy who doesn’t realize how bad his home is until someone with taste intervenes. TV Claire tells Jamie she wants to open a medical practice out of the Printshop.
Ian Sr arrives looking for his son and is shocked and thrilled to see TV Claire. They feed him their half baked version of events and he seems to swallow it. McDreamy Murray is sporting a long grey-blonde ponytail with his wee pirate leg, but dude is one sexy Scot. Jamie lies and tells Ian he hasn’t seen his son.
At the Printshop, one of Sir Fancypant’s minions breaks in looking for the booze and finds the flyers Jamie said were well hidden. #Eyeroll Young Ian confronts him, they fight and Ian flings hot liquid lead in his face and minion escapes. The Printshop goes up in flames and Ian swoons.
Back at the hoor house, TV Claire confronts Jamie about lying to Ian about having young Ian with him. TV Claire responds by saying Jamie‘s never raised a child which is about as insensitive a comment as possible. #ThatsNotHisFaultBee-otch
The Unhappy Head Hooker rushes in to say there’s a fire in Carfax Close. They take off for the Printshop which is in flames. Jamie rushes in, moves the press to the wall, flings Ian on his back and climbs the wall and saves them both. (He must work out at Gold’s Gym.) They decide to take young Ian back to Lallybroch and Jamie sends Fergus to get the lowdown from Ned Gowan about what he should do about his other wife. #TangledWebs
I reeeaaaallly hope next week they’re back to the Jamie and Claire I know and love because for me, this episode was pure torture. Note: Sets, costumes, casting and music were perfect, but geez.