#Outlander recap, #IfNotForHope is up wherein #Jocasta matchmakes like a champ, #LordJohnGrey makes me want to beg #Starz for a spinoff & #BriannaFraser acts just like a MacKenzie.

It seems Roger MacKenzie did not follow my excellent advice and hurl himself into that rock and get the hell out of Dodge.  I understand that Brianna is a beautiful, intelligent woman, but gee, there are a lot of other fish in the sea.

At River Run, Lizzie/GladysKravitz walks in as Brianna is sketching and as is her habit, she brings her Jump To Conclusion mat and thinks Brianna is possessed when she’s just depressed.  Bree makes it clear, she’s not going to forgive Jamie anytime soon.  

Ian finds out from the Cherokee where the Mohawk who’ve taken Roger live and it’s a two months’ ride to get there.  Claire is treating Jamie like he walked on a white floor with dog crap on his shoe and I don’t understand where her anger comes from.  Even with Ian prodding her, she won’t speak to Jamie.  She does the annoying thing where she says nothing’s wrong, when something is definitely wrong leaving Young Ian and me very confused.

Fergus is on the hunt for Stephen Bonnet when he sees a Wanted Poster with Murtagh’s likeness. Back home Fergus tells Marsali that nobody in Wilmington will hire him because of the one hand situation.  Fergus tells Murtagh he has news of Bonnet.

At River Run, Phaedre is bopping around all excited to sew a new dress for Brianna so she can catch herself a man.  But Bree is all Debbie Downer and says no way.  She does want to paint Phaedre’s portrait however, which Phaedre finds odd.  Jocasta takes rejection well and even though Bree doesn’t want a new dress, she gives her some earrings to match a dress of her own she’s giving her.  

Jocasta has apparently watched the Millionaire Matchmaker and she’s determined to find a husband for Bree.  She tells Bree that she is a spirited woman like her grandmother Ellen who wouldn’t marry a man she didn’t love. 

Marsali accidentally on purpose wakes up Murtagh so she can ask him to include Fergus when he fights against the Regulators so he’ll feel like a man.

At River Run, it’s the evening of the party and Jocasta has invited every unattached man with a pulse and a healthy bank account.  Brianna comes down the staircase like the princess/lead in every Hallmark Christmas movie ever made. They make conversation and the tacky snobs are shocked to find Brianna draws ‘negroes.’   It’s like the first night of The Bachelor and I’m waiting for someone to glide in on a skateboard or arrive in a shark costume, and the men are falling over themselves trying to win the First Impression Rose. Suddenly, the gorgeous Lord John arrives looking like Prince Charming and the nerds deflate at the site of him.

Murtagh is worried about finding enough rifles for the Regulators.  He asks Fergus if he’ll join the militia but Fergus declines because he needs to take care of his family.  Marsali pops in to tell them Bonnet’s ship, the Gloriana is in port. 

At the dinner table, Brianna leads them in a parlor game where they imagine they’re in the woods with someone. Bree asks LJG who he thought of and Lord John waaaay awkwardly admits the person he thought of was Jamie. Join the ‘I Heart Jamie Club’ Lord John, we’ve got t-shirts!

Bree ‘faints’ and is taken to a parlor where she quickly recovers on the sofa.  Lizzie/Gladys Kravitz runs in and blurts out she’s worried because of Bree’s ‘condition,’ (I’m gonna go on the record and say that Lizzie is one of my favorite characters in the history of this show.)  Bree tells LJG that Jamie accidentally sold her husband to the Mohawk and The Fraser’s are out trying to find him.  LJG delivers a letter to Bree from Jamie. Jocasta and Brianna have a Come To Jesus meeting and she tells Bree she needs to find herself a husband and fast.

In Wilmington, Murtagh and Fergus find Stephen Bonnet and Murtagh conks him over the head and knock him out.  

At River Run, Bree goes downstairs for a midnight snack and discovers LJG and Judge Alderdyce are getting jiggy with it up against a wall in the Butler’s Pantry.   In Wilmington,  Murtagh and Fergus are dragging Bonnet outside, when they’re caught by some soldiers who take them prisoner.  Fergus gets away.

Phaedre wakes up Brianna and tells her Mr. Forbes is downstairs waiting to pop the question.  Bree tells Lizzie/Gladys to get Lord John and have him meet her out back and to please be discreet.

 Bree asks LJG to marry her and he declines, so she tries to blackmail him as one does.  She then figures out that he’s in love with Jamie and that her mother knows.  They sit and talk and I’m beginning to think Lord John is the most well adjusted character in this book/show.  She tells LJG that Roger may not be the father because of what happened with Bonnet.   She apologizes for being a loon and he accepts. 

Inside the house Mr. Forbes is waiting to get on bended knee when Lord John rushes in and announces their engagement.  Even Jocasta is impressed by how quickly she landed that big fish.

Jamie injures his hand and Claire actually seems to care.  Rollo finds a human bone and they discover a body and Ian confirms by the clothing that it’s the Random Captive who was with Roger.  They find no other bones and assume Roger is alive.  Claire decides to knock the chip off her shoulder and be nice to Jamie but I still don’t understand why she’s been such a B to him when he was only protecting his family.

Lord John tells Bree he has a son but he’s not biological and that he loves him very much.  That makes her like him even more.  Brianna finally opens the letter from Jamie. 

Roger arrives at the Indian settlement and they make him run through a gauntlet where they beat and punch him like a reeeeaaallly bad fraternity prank.  And I keep going back to Ian’s words that they take in people to replace those who’ve died and again I wonder how they treat people they don’t like.

Author’s note:  Only two more episodes and I’m already dreading droughtlander and it hasn’t even begun yet.  What other shows do you all watch?  I’ve enjoyed all the episodes of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries and The Bodyguard but I need more recommendations!