At the end of last week’s episode, our hero Jamie was being hauled away by Captain Leonard whose actions would have him permanently deleted from my Christmas card list if he was an actual person which apparently he’s not.
Fact: Most of you don’t actually have the pleasure of knowing me, but if your dreams came true and we met, you’d soon find I don’t like movies/TV shows where people float. No floating in water, no floating in space. NO floating! So obvi, the opening scene with Claire FLOATING in water, with a rope around her no less, is NOT my cup of tea.
And we’re back to Claire galloping in her Cinderella carriage towards Geillis’s lair. Her coachmen, or possibly two mice, stop to let marching, chanting slaves pass. Claire arrives and sneaks through the slave’s living area, Nancy Drew style, whispering for Ian. She sees a verra familiar dog sniffing the dead body of a young boy.
That sicko Geillis is having a grand kebbie-lebbie with Ian who gives as good as he gets. (It’s probably the combination of Fraser/Murray blood.) Hercules, her manservant/slave, drags Claire into the room just as Ian is dragged out another door.
Captain Leonard is giving Jamie shizzle because he’s captured him when Lord John’s Redcoats come and snatch Jamie away. Lord John and Captain Leonard are in LJ’s office having a battle of wits and sadly for Leonard, he has brought an inferior weapon.
Jamie’s all Smirky McSmirkeson as he watches this smackdown. I love me some Lord John. For the love of God, someone give him a spin-off based on the other book series!
Meanwhile back at her lair, Geillis and Claire are having their own smackdown cuz for one thing, Geillis is nuts. Claire finally shows her pictures of Brianna, and Geillis wants to kill Brianna the 200 year old baby, so the next King of Scotland can ascend to the throne. She steals the photo (to guide her forward in time) and young Ian (for a blood sacrifice) and takes off to try to time travel after Bree leaving Claire locked in the room. Jamie breaks in with a credit card/sword and he and Claire take off looking for Ian.
Following the sounds, Jamie and Claire sneak through the jungle and peer at the dancers just as she and Frank did at the stones all those years ago. Even the lighting’s the same. Well done Outlander writers! They’re caught and thrust into the middle of the dancers when Mr. Willoughby/Yi Tien Cho calls out and saves them. He has fallen in love with
The Long Island Medium Margaret Campbell who is telling fortunes at lightening speed. They realize that Geillis is after Bree and they take off to find the cave. Yi Tien Cho kills Mr. Campbell and now he and Margaret can be wed.
They get to the cave and find young Ian tied up for Geilli’s ritual sacrifice and her ‘manservant’ Hercules picks up Jamie and tosses him around like he’s a tiny Lego man as Claire keeps her eye on Geillis. Claire finds her moment and swings the knife at her chopping her wee head off. We flash back to my boyfriend Joe Abernathy showing a female skull and bones to 1960’s Claire and she realizes it was Geillis’s head and she was the murderer! Jamie’s got the upper hand on Hercules but instead of killing him, he lets him go. Claire hears the water beckoning her to time travel but Jamie’s touch pulls her back cuz who’d leave him? Wee Ian, who’s nobody’s fool, quickly pockets the gems and they skedaddle!
Back aboard ship Jamie attempts to shave but Claire has other ideas cuz who wouldn’t? #ImNotJealous Also, let me take a moment to thank Matt Roberts for throwing this scene in as it’s one of my, and millions of other women’s, faves! #AmITheOnlyOneWhoWorriedTheSoapTastedBad
A post coital rain storm from hell ruins their day. Jamie makes his posse stay below deck during the storm since they don’t know wtf they’re doing. Claire goes above deck because she’s Claire and the storm worsens, disintegrating the ship. Claire is washed over and Jamie jumps in after her. (See SECOND PARAGRAPH! I dinna like shows where people float in water!!!) Because he’s the King of Men, he gets her to the surface, grabs a piece of wood and Claire and he holds on and they float.
A little girl is playing on the beach and discovers Jamie and pokes him with a stick. He wakes up and crawls to Claire thinking she’s dead, but she’s not because the show has been renewed for Season 4 and also there are 8 books and Diana’s writing the 9th. A young couple dressed in old timey clothes approaches and tells them they’re in Georgia and the Artemus has run aground and there are survivors. Jamie and Claire have made it to America which means Season 3 is over…SOB
Post Coital Post Sciptum I’m so sad the Season is over, but so happy we were even able to watch it in the first place. I also need to expand my horizons and find other shows to watch. Let’s all stay in touch during the next Droughtlander. Together we can make it…I know we can.
Post Post Scriptum. Melissas’s Fun Fact: The next book, ‘Drums of Autumn is my favorite!!’ My ancestors John Stanchfield and Elizabeth Burns came to Massachusetts from Scotland/England, in the mid 1600’s (they met aboard the small ship) and I always wondered how brave you’d have to be to do that and I canna wait to see this book come to life as these are my peeps! #IAmAnImmigrant
You are a Goddess of The Written Word! I will miss you -almost- as much as Outlander. Hang in there! Time passes…then America! Maybe we’ll get -really- lucky and DG will release Book Nine….#letmelivethatlong
I love the way you write,! Makes me smile. Keep recaping. you’re a wonderful writer. I’m going to miss you for Droutlander.
So funny hahaha
I adored the episode but yes the kissing the soap face bothered me, also kissing a floating Clare underwater didn’t make sense and they jumped in during a terrible storm with 20 foot waves and came up and the sun was shining – and she wasn’t breathing. OK OK I don’t like to complain but I notice these things and they bother me. But the episode was freaking amazing as are your recaps, so thank you!
Jamie was giving Claire the very air in his body to keep her alive! *sigh*
I have come to look forward to your hysterical recaps almost as much as the actual show! Thank you for always…ALWAYS…making me laugh! (The Lord John Meme was one of your finest yet!! Just had to wash my smeared mascara off…???You’ve a rare talent, to be sure. I do hope that DG and the cast & crew read your observations. They’d be missing something if they didn’t.
Bye for now…until…crap…NEXT SEPTEMBER???
Ellen, it’s probably next September but who knows? I used to hear from some of the cast but not for a verra long time. I dinna ken who reads me, thousands of normal people but beyond that…??♀️. Lucky for me, I like normal people!?
Loved your writeup.
Great recap! So funny and loved the stills with the comments (especially the JAMMF CPR one) Priceless!
Melissa, you nailed it yet again, just like LJG! BTW – Hubby cracked up at the Army vs Navy comment on the show (needless to say he’s ex Army!) Loved the Don’t mess with the Cho’s pic, ?. With their move to Martinique, perhaps a new business opportunity ? Cho’s Fortune cookies/Fortune readings? Sorry, couldn’t resist. I shall miss your reviews……..keep hydrated during Droughtlander.
Hysterically funny. Helps a wee bit to dull the pain of losing the series for months.?
All of a sudden I have the urge to visit Scotland!
I will admit to making the icky-face re: soapy kisses. Then the ‘kisses’ fact regained solid ground and I was left in the wanting. Mm, mm, mm; loves me that soapy Scot’s smooch.
Happy to be one of your followers!
Thanks for the giggles! Love your write-ups! Keep them coming!
Merry Miller Moon
Great recap as always! My suggestions for you again, Claws which I think is on TNT or TBS. And of course, American Gods based on Neil Gaiman’s book of the same title, which is on Starz. Two great shows! Hopefully this Droughtlander will not be as long as the one we just experienced! I cannot take sixteen months again!
Spot on ! TY
“I love me some Lord John. For the love of God, someone give him a spin-off based on the other book series!” – A million times yes!!!! David Berry does an amazing job with this character and I would love to see more of him. Plenty of material to work from 🙂
Just finished The Scottish Prisoner for the 4th time and I love LJG & his relationship to Jamie. Need a spin-off.
Brilliant recap. You are so quick witted. ..”Long Island Medium.” Very funny.
Absolutely dying over “LOL, Mofo.” Best photo caption/thought bubble EVER. Freaking hilarious. Jamie was indeed smirkalicious in this scene, but fell shy of being annoyingly obvious about it. Doesn’t matter… I thought he looked particularly dishy in this scene (shades of S2 in his embroidered Paris vest, sigh). Sam is really TOO good looking. Seriously. Like there ought to be a law.
Fabulous finale. Fabulous season. Fabulous show. And, as always, a fabulously well-written and hilarious re-cap by you. I so very wish I had your writing style so I could impress and entertain my family, friends, and the Twittosphere. #ImNotJealousEither.
Thank you, Melissa, for making this a season to savor even more. I’ll be scouring your recap archives for sustenence during the Dreaded Droughtlander ahead.
“Jamie’s all Smirky McSmirkeson as he watches this smackdown. Lol Mofo” I loves me some Melissa’s Observations!
Melissa, thanks for the chuckles. Whether one loves or is disappointed in the TV show, a sense of humor improves things.
In the second half of this episode, the TV writers finally returned to showing Jamie and Claire’s extraordinary mystical connection (that overcomes time, distance and lots of bad luck!) and that was so well established in Season 1, diluted somewhat in Season 2. After too many tiresome episodes post-reunion in Season 3 with a cold petty dynamic between them that would not occur when a couple has bone deep rapport (bone of my bone) the show runners went a little way to restoring the greatness of J and C’s loving PARTNERSHIP. To accomplish this they conveniently ignored the prolonged atypical dithering they themselves wrote for Claire previously: “I’m not sure we should be together”…Really, TV Claire? What did you do with book Claire, the one who would die with Jamie rather than leave him? Thank heavens that’s the Claire who’s gazing into his eyes on the beach, preparing to take on pioneer America TOGETHER, invincible. Hope the TV writers don’t lose their way again.
A more minor defect but still bothersome, the TV “resolution” to the Willoughby and Margaret Campbell story arcs was beyond silly – love at first sight? Planning marriage 2 hours later? Instantly in the inner circle of escaped black slaves? Snapping the neck of the obstacle brother “accidentally”? In the middle of his impassioned Artemis speech that got raves from everyone who apparently didn’t actually listen to it , Yi Tien Cho made racist remarks about Scottish women: “For the love of woman, I am come to a place where no woman is worthy of love. To a place where women are coarse and rank as bears. Creatures of no grace, and these women disdain me as a yellow worm, so that even the lowest of whores will not lie with me.” Anyone who disputes the bigotry should imagine how they would receive Jamie saying it about Asian women. Is not Margaret a Scotswoman? How is she suddenly worthy of love? Is she not “rank and coarse as bears…a creature of no grace”? Luckily for the writers, almost no one seems to have noticed that they wrote themselves into a corner with a character who’s part wise Yoda, part racist.
I am going to miss your recaps as much as the show during droughtlander! You are awesome!
Thanks Liz…I’ll miss doing these too!
Anne Mette Rye Sørensen
You make me laugh – you are a master with words and observations… THANKS … makes my day. greetings from DK
Thanks Anne! Greetings from Texas!
Immigrants get the job done! (From Hamilton the Musical)
Just discovered your writings! Chuckled and then started laughing hard. I love it. I did not yet see S3 as I am in Europe and will have to wait for the DVD (March 2018!). Droughtlander, you said? Anyway, I see spoilers and bits and pieces here and there and I have read the books. I have a vague idea of the coming S3!!! Thank you very much for your hilarious viewpoint and the funny remarks.
Thank you Diane…you made my day! Hope you enjoy Season 3.❤️
Need another month waiting, but I will survive! Maybe with your help. Make me smile please…
Have recently discovered your wonderful comments and find myself reading my own thoughts, which doesn’t happen very often. Thank you for making me laugh at myself which we all so desperately need. Any advice regarding Outlander conventions? There’s one in my area in August, but it’s pricey and I’m no longer 16.
Thanks for writing, I’m so glad you like the blog. I have no idea about the conventions. I read about one that I think is in New Jersey. I’m in Austin, and there’s no way I could afford to go. Airfare, hotel and the convention cost are for wealthy fans, not regular folks or even regular bloggers. I’m hoping some day they’ll have something in my neck of the woods.❤️
Conventions? I heard there has been one in Paris and maybe one or two in Germany. Too far and too expensive. So we are on the same boat! When I see parts of it on YouTube, I have no regrets. Just a small pain quickly gone. They have seen Caitriona, Tobias, Sam, Diana Gabaldon live? Happy for them. No envy, but only I feel safe far from the hustle and bustle! All the participants – mostly women yelling like hell – around you and not the slightest chance to talk five miutes to one or another of the actors or whoever. Good for those who attend and succeed. Good luck. As long as we can find news on the different sites, the spoilers, the comments such as Melissa’s, or Cat’s Recap, I am happy. And I only have one month to go! Amazon told me so! Season 3 will be here! Thanks whoever…
I’ve been at an event with people screaming and pushing to get to Sam and Cait and I left. I don’t think it’s wrong to do that, it’s just so far from my comfort zone, I can’t participate. I left and went to dinner with friends. I loved Season 3 except for one ep and I think those are pretty great stats. Drums is my favorite book, so I’m really looking forward to next Season. Thanks for writing Diane!
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